


dawn

by sharingoxygenwithyou



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Fall Maiko Week 2018, non-graphic description of miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 00:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16294796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharingoxygenwithyou/pseuds/sharingoxygenwithyou
Summary: Dawn is supposed to be about beginnings, but for them, it was the end.





	dawn

She does not sleep. 

She does not sleep. She cannot sleep. She cannot close her eyes without seeing the red sheets of their bed darkened by blood. She can still feel the ache inside her body – still feel the way her silk nightgown was sticky and wet against her thighs. She can still hear her own scream when she realized what was happening.  
  
It has only been three weeks since they wed when Mai realizes. Her monthly course was a week late but maybe it was due to the amount of traveling during the honeymoon or perhaps it was because of the different food they sampled that caused it. Surely, it wouldn’t happen so soon. But after two months time, she still did not bleed, so she goes to a physician and midwife to confirm her suspensions.  
  
She threatened them both not to tell the Fire Lord, which they responded with an “Of course, Lady Mai,” accompanied by a deep bow. Although they were already praising her for such an accomplishment. A pointed glare from their Fire Lady shut them up immediately.  
  
She told Zuko over dinner in their private chambers that night. She had said it so casually that Zuko didn’t register her words right away, but when he did, he dropped his chopsticks and was at her side, and wrapping her in his arms with pure love and joy. Mai did not have it in her heart to be annoyed in the way he was almost suffocating her in his tight hold.  
  
She is looked after by her ladies and physicians give her herbs and tea to ensure the health of the child growing in her stomach. Mai was never one for following traditions and there were too many traditions and superstitions when it came to pregnancies.   
  
“But I like crabs.” Mai had said when one of the servants explained to her that they couldn’t make her the dish she requested because it would be bad for the child.  
  
“Yes, My Lady but –”  
  
“But what?!” She almost snapped, her hands itched to grab one of her shuriken from her sleeve and throw it at the idiot in front of her, but remember that she wasn’t allowed sharp objects on her person. Stupid traditions!  
  
“It is against traditions, My Lady and –” She could see the man in front of her quiver as she gave him a piercing glare.  
  
“Prepare some cold sesame noodles.” Mai turned to see Zuko entering the dining hall. “She likes those.”  
  
“I would  _like_ steamed crabs.” Mai’s glare was now on her husband as she crosses her arms over her chest, just above her slowly bulging stomach, concealed by the thickness of her robes.  
  
“Also steamed crabs.” Zuko addressed the servant and before he could argue, the Fire Lord gave him a look that meant that it wasn’t up for discussion. The servant quickly bowed and left the room.  
  
Mai rolled her eyes as Zuko made his way to pull her into his arms.  
  
The servants were intimidated by the new Fire Lady but they still only followed Zuko’s words without hesitation.  
  
“I hate all these stupid traditions!” Mai complained. “I can’t go to events, I can’t eat my favorite foods and other stupid things that don’t make sense.”  
  
“Tradition also states that you should keep your cool.” Zuko reminded her with a smile that was again, met with an annoyed look. “Anger isn’t good for the turtle-duck.”  
  
It was also tradition to give the child a milk name first, so that the spirits wouldn’t take the child. For some reason, Mai didn’t mind that tradition. She found it almost endearing when Zuko called their baby ‘turtle-duck’. It brought along memories from their childhood.

===========================================================  
  
“Are you in the shade?”  
  
“Agni’s sake, Zuko. I’m pregnant, not an invalid.” She took another step forward into the sun and away from the umbrella that he was holding above them, feeling the salty wind off Ember Island play with her hair.  
  
“But it’s too hot!”  
  
“We live in the Fire Nation, I’m married to the Fire Lord, I’m having the next heir to the throne of the Fire Nation.” She faces her husband, taking in his concerned expression. He was cute like that if only he didn’t act like an idiot. “I don’t think a little sun would be bad for the baby.”  
  
But seeing the fallen expression on his face, Mai amended. “But I suppose I wouldn’t want to get too red and burn my skin.”  
  
Zuko smiles and makes his way forward to Mai, umbrella in hand as they continue their walk along the shores of Ember Island.  
  
========================================================  
  
It was almost four months into the pregnancy that nausea got worse and Mai found her appetite went away as well. Everyone kept saying that sickness during pregnancy was normal and even the Fire Sages wanted to have a pray over ritual for the pregnant Fire Lady. Mai wanted to refuse but as Zuko said, it was part of tradition.  
  
But as Mai clutched the colored thread with an unbroken mustard seed in the temple, several Fire Sages around her chanting their prayers, she can’t help but cringe at the sudden cramps she felt.  She has to bite her lip to keep from crying out and interrupting the Sages and worrying Zuko who was on his knees praying as well. She tried to relax and focuses on the words of the Fire Sages as they pray for the health of the new heir of the Fire Nation.  
  
The pain subsides after a while. Sickness was a part of pregnancy. That was all it was. She tells herself.  
  
Until night came and she was in bed, when she feels a slight pain again, the pain is dull before it cracks sharp and doubles and triples,  and then she couldn’t help but scream, waking Zuko. The cramps wrack her body and when she looks down she sees the blood, she turns to Zuko and his eyes were focused on her, asking her what was wrong but she saw his eyes travel down and his widen the moment he sees the blood already staining their sheets.

  
=======================================================

Mai doesn’t speak, curled up on her side, facing towards the window. She doesn’t acknowledge that he’s entered her room or sat on his side of the bed. He sits there for an hour, can’t find the words to say because he too feels broken. She doesn’t move from her spot, doesn’t say anything to him. 

  
“What if I can’t bear children?” She finally says when the silence becomes too much. This has been one of her silent worries since she found out. Her mother suffered several miscarriages between her and Tom-Tom. Physicians worried that it would happen to her as well, and they were right.  
  


“We’re still young, Mai.” Zuko moves to lay beside her, sliding his arms around her body and holds her tight in his arms, kissing the top of her head. “There will be others.” His voices cracks and she pretends she doesn’t hear it for his sake. He’s trying to be strong for both of their sakes.  
  


They lay in bed together, the bed sheets changed by servants, she wears cleaned night clothes but the smell of blood still clings to the air. She can still hear her own screams and feel Zuko tremble beside her as the servants tried to pry him away from her as the physician and midwife tend to her.  
  
Now, they’re alone again and all that is left in the chamber is their grief.  
  
“There will be more chances,” She hears him whisper. She thinks he’s also trying to convince himself.  
  
But she doesn’t want to think of other chances, because there was also a chance that this would happen again.  
  
Firebenders raised with the sun but as it was nearing dawn, Zuko doesn’t want to leave the comforts of their bed.  
She turns to face him and hold him tighter as the first rays of light enter their chamber. Dawn is supposed to be about beginnings, but for them, it was the end. 


End file.
